Because We Allow Handguns. When You Know

Christmas Seems To Start Earlier And Earlier Every Year. Like, This Time, It's On December 25th.

My Sister Married A German. He Complained He Couldn't Get A Good Bagel Back Home. I Said: 'well, Whose Fault Is That?'

Cell Phones Are Like A Dog's Nipples... You Don't Have To Shout Into Them!

My Mom Gave Me One Of Those Cloth Calendars For The Kitchen. It Took Me Three Hours To Sew In A Dental Appointment.

I Took My Grandmother To The Emergency Room. The Doctor Said That She Was On An Artificial Life Support System, And That Although Her Brain Was Dead Her Heart Was Still Beating. I Though, "we've Never Had A Democrat In The Family Before".