Don't Try For Wit. Settle For Humor.

[on The British Museum:] It Was Manifestly Impossible To Read All The Books In That Huge, Gloomy Structure, But I Made A Good Try And Accumulated A Fund Of Useless Information Guaranteed To Cast A Pall Over Any Dinner Table.

Most Rich People Are The Poorest People I Know.

The Cocktail Party Is Easily The Worst Invention Since Castor Oil

People Who Have Escaped From Poverty Are Like Old Soldiers. In Later Years They Recount The Little, Amusing Incidents That Happened Infrequently, And Conveniently Forget The Long, Unrelieved Stretches Of Misery And Boredom.

Intolerance Of Mediocrity Has Been The Main Prop Of My Independence.