Friend Of Mine Just Told Me He

If You Don't Wake Up Every Day Happy, Change Something.

Oil Is Sixty Dollars A Barrel. There Are Terrorists Everywhere. We Have A Catastrophe In Our World Every Ten Minutes. I Don't Know How Anybody's Getting Through Anything. Right Now, People Just Need To Be Entertained.

Stop It, Stop Lighting Your Butthol On Fire, And Everybody Listen To Me. If You Light Your Ass On Fire, I Hope You Have Boxers Or A Filter Of Somekind, Because If Your A Bareass Person. Not A Lot Of People Have Done This. Stop It. This Is Why. You Can Cauterize Your Asshole Shut, So When You Fart It Has Nowhere To Go And You Can Have A Fart Attack.

Behind Every Great Man In Prison Is Another Great Man In Prison.

My Dad's Like, If Your Mom And I Are Having Sex And We Videotape It And She Falls Out Of Bed Funny, Can I Win Ten-thousand Dollars?