I Remember The Horror Story That I

I Think That Whenever A Jew Has Any Kind Of Notoriety, Good Or Bad, The Jews Find It To Be Good.

You Have To Be Able To Laugh At Yourself. That's What I Tell Asian People All The Time.

If You Sell The Vatican And You Take That Money And You Use It To Feed Every Single Human Being On The Planet, You Will Get Cah-azy Pussy. All The Pussy. I Don't Mean Literally. That Might Not Be Your Cup Of Tea. I Don't Know What Your Version Of 'all The Pussy' Is. But You'll Get All The Pussy.

I Remember My First Standup Act When I Was Seventeen; I Did A Really Lame Song About Being Flat Chested. I Was Doing It In New York, And I Remember Kevin Brennan, The Guy I Lost My Virginity To, Was Like "that Song Doesn't Make Sense, You Have Tits."

Anything Television Trivia I'm Good At. But When You're On Your Couch, You're Really Good At It, But When You're Standing There, It's Probably Scary.