Stand-up Is Great Because I Can Get

Anyone Who Is Elected Mayor Of A Place Called "sin City" Is Allowed To Be A Drunk.

I Think The Right-wingers Have To Buddy Up To The Fact That Either The Minimum Wage Has To Go Up, And People Get Enough Money To Live, Or You're Always Going To Have People Needing Government Assistance. You Can't Have It Both Ways.

You Can Refer To God And You Are Really Just Talking About Nature. If You Are Going To Say The Universe Is God, Then Everything Is God, Everything Is Religion. But When We Explore Traditional Religion We Are Talking About Humanistic Gods People Pray To, That They Think Can Intervene In Our Lives, Who Run Sort Of A Heaven-and-hell Operation For The Afterworld.

Ronald Reagan Basically Legalized Every Illegal Immigrant In This Country. I Just Like To Bring This Up Because Every Week I Like To Make Republican Heads Explode About How They Love Ronald Reagan, But Would Despise Everything He Did.

Reverend Ted Haggard's Followers Still Think He's Not Gay. I'm Not Kidding. In Their World, There Are No Gay People. There Are Just Straight People Who Are Sinning. They Don't Want To Do It, But The Devil Makes Them! He Targets People Like Reverend Ted. That's How It Happened. The Devil Got Hold Of Reverend Ted, And Ted Said, 'get Thee Behind Me, Satan! And Put It In, Gently'.