There's Always An Adjective Before My Name,

Age - It's The One Mountain You Can't Overcome.

I Think I'm In A Business Where You Have To Look Good, And It's Totally Youth-oriented.

I Hate Thin People; 'oh, Does The Tampon Make Me Look Fat?'

The Last Time I Saw A Blonde With Red Streaks In Her Hair She Was Laying On Oscar Pistorius' Bathroom Floor.

My Sex Life Is So Bad, My G-spot Has Been Declared A Historical Landmark.