All I've Ever Done Is Try To

The Secret To Raising Children Is To Love Them... And Teach Them To Operate In A Way You Can Tolerate Them The Best.

I Like To Approach Every Day Like It's My First, So This Morning When I Woke Up I Covered My Body With Red Gelatin.

Just Went To A Lovely Catholic Wedding. I Need A Drink. They Didn't Even Offer Us Water. Well They Did, But It Was Holy Water.

Met A Girl The Other Nite And Told Her- Before You Can Be With Someone You Have To Know The Value Of Yourself. So Does $200 Seem Reasonable?

I Am Stressed Because Once I Am Flattened Out So Thin To Be Able To Slide Under A Doorway, I May Never Be Able To Ever Be Unflattened So I Could Be Regular Sized Again.