Nothing Worse Than A Piece Of Dried

I'm Doing 5000 Seat Theaters And Audiences Are Going Nuts, It's Fantastic And It Makes Me Very Happy. I'm Dirty, But Not Like This; I Just Do Comedy That I Find Funny. I'm Working On A New Tv Show For Cable And It's Not Set Up Yet.

The Comedy Store - All Three Rooms Were Filled With 800 People In The Room. And During That Time, All These Guys And Some Women, But Mostly Guys Who Weren't Funny Were Doing Stand Up For A Living; They Weren't Accountants, They Were Making $30-$50 Grand A Year On The Road, Or More.

What I've Learned About Comedy People Is That They're Defined By The Harshest Level They've Been To, Their Personal Auschwitz.

I'm A Believer That When One Door Closes Another One Opens. But Why Does The One Opening Always Hit Me Full-speed-knob-first Into My Nuts?

My Girlfriend Just Told Me I Am One Of The Smartest People She Knows. I Told Her, You Need To Meet Other People.